Hand Across the Sea

The Coalition Force here has some thirty-odd countries participating, the lion’s share from the United Kingdom, Australia and Georgia (yes, the former Soviet Republic). Here in my office we have three Coalition officers, two Britons (an army colonel and major) and one Australian (an army lieutenant colonel). One of the Britons, the major, whom I will call Neil, is especially colorful, in that off-putting, subtle, English manner. He’s actually Scottish and regularly corrects me when I ask him about how things are in England (it’s the United Kingdom – England is only part of it). Although Neil is Scottish, he doesn’t talk with what we in the U.S. would say is classic Scottish accent. In fact, he sounds rather, well, English due to his education there. He is a master of the sardonic response to just about anything said in the bull pen office area where our desks reside. He is especially fond of making fun of the U.S. dollar’s recent woes. Today, during a conversation regarding the state of the Iraqi Stock Exchange (yes, they have one now), I asked him if they still had farthings and shillings in the UK. He replied, “No, that’s old money … but even then it was still worth something like three thousand U.S. dollars.”

Neil's boss, a US army colonel, is particularly demanding and who has a penchant for calling meetings that start at 9:30 PM. Worse, he has Neil's cell phone number on speed dial. Until just recently, Neil's major project was assisting with a high profile public event involving the Iraqi Government. One night at dinner, prior to the turnover and while we dined al fresco, his cell phone rang. He answered it very cheerily, “Hallo, sir. Splendid!” and was silent for a time listening. We all knew it could only be his boss. He ended the conversation, hung up the phone, stared at it and then threw it over his right shoulder. “Well lads, I’m off,” he said and abruptly left. Neil survived the high profile public event and is hard at work on the next one. At least for the moment, things aren’t as stressful for him as they were during the run up to the last event.

Neil has a fascination with the US accent or accents, as we have people from all over the US in our office. He has a habit, while working at his computer, to blurt out words and phrases like, “Oh hot diggidy!” or “You betcha!” in an imitated American accent. To our ears, he sounds like someone with Turret’s Syndrome.

Another favorite topic is the American Revolution. The other day, I printed a color copy of the Grand Union Flag, the first congressionally approved flag of the United States, and innocuously displayed on the wall next to Neil's desk. The flag features the Union Jack (minus the diagonal Cross of Saint Patrick) in the canton and thirteen red and white stripes representing the original states. The flag was first flown by General George Washington on January 1, 1776 while he was encamped outside Boston. Neil worked for a time and then discovered the flag. He took it off the wall and said, “This flag is all wrong!”

“Wrong?” I said, “It’s the Grand Union flag – a symbol of our two country’s shared heritage!”

“This bit,” he said pointing to the Union Flag, “is missing the red diagonal cross. And this part,” he said waving at the red and white stripes,” is all wrong.” Having just read the Wikipedia article on the Union Flag, I told him the St. Patrick’s Cross wasn’t part of the Union Jack in 1776 because the Kingdom of Ireland hadn’t been formally incorporated into the United Kingdom. “You Americans love your flags,” he said. He then had to run off to a meeting with his boss.

I and another co-worker then printed two copies of the Declaration of Independence. We stapled the first copy onto the wooden partition wall. Then we taped an additional copy on top of that. When Neil returned from his meeting, he went back to work at his computer. Not long after, he noticed the offending document on the wall and reached up nonchalantly to tear it off. As it came away from the wall of course the stapled copy remained, a fitting metaphor for victory during the Revolution.