Change

Postings to Iraq are cyclical by nature. Army Brigade Combat Teams are posted here for between fifteen to twelve months. Individual Augmentees, like myself, are here between six to twelve months. One colonel I know characterized our experience here by saying, “We haven’t been in Iraq for five years; we’ve been in Iraq one year five times over.” The exceptionally complex nature of both the conflict here and the organization of the US forces and diplomatic mission poised against it make short tours (ones of six months or less) nearly ineffective; it takes one almost three months just to figure out what’s going on and how one fits into the greater picture.

With cyclical postings come cyclical relationships. I arrived just as the guy I replaced, Jack, was leaving. We had nearly a week and half for a turnover which, by Navy standards is pretty good, but only served to hint at how much there was to know about this place. I spent nearly the first three months reacting to my environment and trying to learn what it was I didn’t know. It’s not unlike the five stages of grief: Denial (“What the Hell am I doing here?”); Anger (“Why the Hell am I here?”); Bargaining (“Just let me survive until mid-tour leave.”); Depression (“Man, it really sucks here.”); Acceptance (“What the Hell; it will be alright.”)

Jack was well liked and all of my then co-workers were sorry to see him go. Jack, of course, was ready to leave after being here a year. Since then, I have experienced a kind of special, wistful jealously watching other co-workers get within 30 days of redeployment back home.

This spring, many of my co-workers will redeploy. My roommate, an Air Force captain, was here for just a four month tour and will leave at the end of April. My immediate boss, a Marine Corps lieutenant colonel on his second tour in Iraq, arrived last December on a five month tour and already is getting ready to leave next month. My other teammate, an Army captain also on his second tour in Iraq, has been here a year and also will leave next month. Given the recent tempo of attacks by Shiite extremists on the International Zone, all are palpably relieved to be leaving soon. I envy them. But there is a small light in the tunnel: in early May I will take my mid-tour leave to see my attractive wife and precocious two-year old son. So I have my own countdown, of sorts, going just like those preparing to leave for good.

The departure of both my teammates leaves me as the continuity guy. It’s a sobering thought when I think of how especially well informed my army co-worker is about the nuances of this place; he knows where to go in both the virtual and physical realms in response to the most arcane operational questions. I wonder if I will get that smart eventually. I hope so.

I had thought of trying to go six or even seven months here before taking leave; I was told by many taking leave later makes coming back more psychologically palatable with less than half of the tour remaining. As it is, I’ll come back to five months remaining, technically less than half. I know everyone who has gone on leave tells me it’s hard to get back on the airplane coming back here.